When any of us is not content with any part of our llives, we’ve wanted something we feel is missing from it.
When that happens the first thing we think about it’s not getting something tangible or a possession
The thoughts that move into our minds when that dissatisfaction shows up is the longing for a transformation.
We fall into the trap of comparing and lacking.
We start wanting to be like someone else, act a certain way, look a certain way, emit a certain kind of feeling.
We make the mistake of thinking about someone else with the qualities and the life we desire for ourselves and compare our own to theirs.
Just then the misconception they have something we don’t is born and all the terrible, useless comparisons start being made.
“My brother is more talented than me” “My sister is so decisive and never stops, while I” “I wish I was as adventerous as my friend” “This other friends just keeps killing it, how do I do the same?”
And so on and on and on
It’s funny how the only reason we get so amazed at all these people close to us it’s because they are showing us the same things in us.
They serve as mirrors because they are mirrors.
And mirrors can’t show you what’s in the future (wouldn’t that be cool tho?), they can only show what’s here and now.
Even funnier and kinda frustrating that this is not usually taught and even when learned, it’s so easily forgotten by; everybody.
It’s honestly ridiculous how somewhere down the line we’re taught to turn a blind eye to everything that’s there when we look inside, and to only pay attention to what’s missing.
Try and answer this, how can we even start thinking about building something if we’re only focused on what’s “not there”?
Understand that the only reason you’re able to recognize those amazing traits in others it’s because you already have them yourself.
I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of pointing it out, because it’s true. Fundamentally true.
A lesson I struggled for a really long time to learn; despite all the people around me that actively tried to help me, but rarely forget now.
Not true, I still sometimes forget it.
After spending who knows how long looking at the outside to fill something on the inside, it’s definitely very hard to really sit with ourselves and acknowledge what’s there.
It does require some introspection, analyzing, accepting, surrendering, its a lot of work
That’s just, ah, it’s a conversation for another time.
The real transformation starts ocurring while you’re doing the work, not once you’re done like a lot of folks out there might think (that’s not a thing either)
Maybe the thought that the transformation must be physical could cross your mind but no, the changes on what you perceive come from you not at you
Only when you start resonating with what’s already inside; embodying it and not fighting it; that you’ll start to see the changes around you that you longed for so long.
It was only in the last recent years where I’ve been able to clearly see these transformations, some of them having happened back where I thought them to be impossible.
Transformations doesn’t sound right, “becoming” doesn’t quite cover it either. It feels more like falling into places you kinda already belonged to.
For the sake of consistency, let me tell you what you can “become” once you:
You “Become” Yourself
Years of going through severe bouts of depression, being shamed and suffering traumatic experiences left me mentally and emotionally numb for a looooong time.
Even after getting away from environments that sunk me deep into dark and dangerous places, I was left doubting of my self-worth and the value I was supposed to have
Intense moments in therapy and with the right people by my side I started feeling and living again.
Finding the joy in the small things (I’m team drinking a cup of coffee while watching the sunset), grateful for the people around me and looking forward to the future for the first time I felt like a new person.
But actually, I just reminded myself of who I was in the first place.
An honest, kind, warm, friendly, caring, loving, silly, nuanced, beautiful soul who always finds the way to connect with very special people in very special ways
You “Become” the Exception
Very special people that just like me were going through their own healing journeys, were also growing and were also working to be better and happier.
But also people that had had certain walls up, walls they’ve built based on experiences with others.
I’ve been blessed by not only having climbed these walls, but having them put down to let me in.
I’m the man some women have found a safe haven with.
The queer man straight male friends have allowed themselves to love and be affectionate with.
The half-sibling that built a bridge between families to be cared for with no blood relations necessary.
That person whom the reserved ones open up to
I became the friend that you could trust to be there no matter the time or distance
Becoming an “Exception” means touching other people’s hearts in ways some of them didn’t even know they needed to heal a part of themselves
It means creating memories with them that leads to
“Becoming” Memorable
One truth that not everybody is able or willing to accept is that: the world sees you.
We live in times where carefully fabricated personas, unattanaible standards and discord born from clashing information and opinions.
But precisely because of these times; your authenticity becomes the one thing that defines you in the eyes and mind of those around you.
Not because they could be impressed, amazed or nothing like that. It’s because you are to them a rare chance to relax and be themselves with you.
They know they can be just present.
Everything else can take a second place to the moment and the space you create with how authentic you are.
Do you know how beautiful that is?
That just because you let them be themselves you
Scary times indeed.
“Become” Important
So important that in fact, those who you have impacted can’t help but want you close.
Might I even say need.
They can’t help but wonder how you are, what you’ve been up to, talk to you, have you in the big moments as well the small ones.
When there’s celebrations your joy is needed, your comfort when there’s sadness, your thoughts when there’s doubt. your reactions with big news.
Your name shows up in conversations and there’s a gleaming in people’s eyes when they find something that reminds them of you,
Most beautiful of all, they just want to let you know. All the time
No obligation. Just love.
You “Become” an Example
Perphaps the one that proves my point more than the others.
You can never notice it but, someone is always following you.
Someone became so involved in your life and your challenges that must pay attention to your decisions.
And sometimes, these decisions are so out of the norm that can seem outrageous.
But that’s inevitable when you are. When you find yourself again and see your own value.
You make decisions all the time meant to protect the beauty, the uniqueness that we’ve forgotten to take care of.
Most of the cases, these decisiones uproot everything. Things can no longer be the same as they were before, you create a new status quo.
You’re just brave. Crazy, and brave.
For the onlookers they could be the wrong decisions, they can criticize them and try forcing you to back down.
But you can’t. You can only wait for the day they understand the reasoning behind them.
Once they do understand it, a new respect is born. A new appreciation is born. A new bond is born.
You’ve just become their inspiration to do the same. You’ve just become their guide, their mentor.
You walk alongside them, you take care of them and pick them up when they hurt.
You become a Life Partner.
I guess my point is.
You don’t look anywhere else to be who or what you want to be.
Look within yourself. Choose who you are, choose what you decide is true. And live it.
You are already the answer.
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