Yes, another post about grief but this one that I haven’t seen being talked about enough so.

Has it ever happened that you feel a great sadness and dissapointment whenever you realize someone dear to you is not how you thought they were?

When that pedestal  you had them breaks in a thousand pieces?

That perfect image of them shattering like glass?

It has?

It’s been a recurring thing in my life, and even though each time it happens I learn more and get wiser, my frustration and confusion as to why still breaks my heart.

I’ve also wondered why this deep, dark sadness lingered even if there’s also relief that I opened my eyes.

I talked about it with my therapist and she helped me realize.

Thanks to her I could see it for what it is: grief.

She said: “what you experience each and every time it happens, is grief”.

It shook my world.

We have this word so associated with death that we don’t see this other kind coming.

It’s not something we’re usually taught or being prepared for, even when it can be so possible, scary and even frequent.

It can be so surprising that it can take the longest time to realize that even if it’s not a physical parting, it is a death we’re dealing with.

A loss that takes us by surprise.

That dear person we hold so close to our hearts is suddenly replaced by this weird and hostile stranger.

We find ourselves repeatedly trying to navigate our everyday lives with this stranger invading it.

We’re so ill-prepared for something like this we spend too much time acting like this person still existed (if they ever did).

It really catches us so off-guard, I personally took the longest time to really process it so I can grieve this person.

I took a long time to cry for this person.

To cry for this person so close to my heat as if she really passed away. Cry so I could remember her with love, at least that.

It wasn’t easy at all. Especially when having that person orbiting around you at all times; acting as if they were the lost one.

Even harder when you’re taking care of them.

It’s almost as if a ghost is haunting you, taunting you for what you thought was naivety and not letting you be at peace or work towards being at peace.

In my case, I struggled to even let her go so it could be easier for me.

I saw this stranger with her face and some of her mannerism, so much so I even thought “maybe I can bring her back, there’s hope” and so I tried and failed … again and again.

Only for the pain and the grief to remain and kept me in shambles.

We’re so unfamiliar with this grief that it doesn’t even click what needs to be done.

Just like the “regular” one, it just asks to be felt and lived.

All so it can pass.

It’s a feeling and a process and you just need to live it out. We have to live it out.

We had to. My sister and I, we had to.

It’s totally up to each of us to choose what to do after it passes. To give this stranger a chance, or not. Neither is an easy choice but both are perfectly acceptable.

What would you choose if you ever get to experience this grief? Why?